Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Blogville Police Academy Tracking Class 101

This week the Blogville Police Department is holding classes for the new recruits.  Please take a seat and enjoy learning the Tracking Class 101.  Your instructors for today are Bentley and Pierre, Blogville Special Police Officers.
Bentley: “Welcome recruits.  I’m glad to see so many eager faces here today.  When we are through, you will be able to track the most elusive of bad guys.  I’d like to introduce you to my partner, Pierre.  I will be forcing allowing him to do most of the demos for you.”
Pierre: “Hello class.  Get yourselves ready for one of the most exciting parts of crime fighting.  The tracking and arresting of the violent renegade rodents is not a job for the faint of heart.  Sometimes you have to get dirty to get your perp.  Perp is short for perpetrator.  Go ahead and jot that down in case it is on the test later.”
Bentley: “Yes, Ruby?  Do you have a question?  No, it’s not time for margaritas yet.  What is that, Whitley?  Yes, you can demonstrate zombie chasing.  Thanks for the offer.  I am not saying Pierre is afraid of zombies, but he is.  Let’s start off with a quick lesson on the proper de-stuffing of a perp.  You’ll notice Pierre comes at the suspect from behind.  The old surprise attack is the best way to subdue a fluffy felon.  One of the most important things to know about a stuffy is where the squeaker is located.  Once they are in the clutches of your powerful grip, that squeak will alert others of the take down.  You must bust that warning squeak immediately.  A stuffy uprising can be dangerous.”
Pierre: “Mphrfx.  Gag, hack, cough, cough.  Always have a fresh bowl of water within paws reach during a de-stuffing.  The most prevalent problem with this particular criminal procedure is cottonmouth.  Why don’t you demonstrate the next technique?  This teaching is more dangerous than being on patrol.”
Bentley: “Don’t be silly, our next demo is digging.  I’ve never known a guy that enjoys digging more than you do.  Hee hee!  Now, as many of you may or may not know there are critters wreaking havoc underground.  I know it is hard to imagine that a nice community like ours would have underground moles, but we do.  The last thing that we need is for these measly moles to team up with PT Crasher the Squirrel and his gang of seven villains Before we go any further, I want you to know that all of you are authorized to use force.  However, we do not shoot lawbreakers or criminals.  Instead, we use these handy dandy poop pellets to stun them.  At that time we can haul them to Judge Frankie’s courtroom.”
Pierre: “The thought of throwing themselves on the mercy of “Judge Forever Frankie” should curb their mischief, but they are cocky.  It’s our job as members of the BPD to show them the errors of their ways.  Okay, for the digging demo, we are going to have to go outside.  Let’s stand and march in a straight line.  No pushing or shoving.  Arty, would you be the leader and if I can get Easy to bring up the rear, that’d be great.  Okay, let’s go.”
Bentley: “As you can see, Pierre is able to dig a hole approximately 87’ deep in
87 seconds.  Yes, he is in the Blogville Diggers Hall of Fame, but don’t let that intimidate you.  I see we have four other Westies that are ready to join in the excavation.  Before you go digging in random places, let me show you the proper scent-tracking stance.  Notice my ears are rubbing along the ground.  This stirs the smells up towards my nose and makes locating the vermin easier.  Those of you with upright ears will have to do a bit more pawing of the ground.  You can also tilt your head at that angle the humans all enjoy.  It will help you hear these nasty creatures actually digging underground.
Pierre: “OMD!  MOLE!  MOLE!  Recruits, this is not a drill.  Repeat.  THIS IS NOT A DRILL!  Please lower your voices and watch this action.  *furiously digs a hole and pulls out a mole!
Recruits: “Woo Hoo!  We wanna try!  Here Mole…come on Mr. Moley.”
Bentley: “Now that we are back in the classroom, I just have to say that was the most bodacious group mole round-up in the history of Blogville.  I have put a call into to Sarge and Bites.  They are sending Ranger over in the Police Paddy Wagon to haul the prisoners to the Blogville Pen.  I have one last demonstration before y’all are dismissed.  This is for the more advanced officers, so do not try this until you have climbing certification.  I like to call it the fly on the wall maneuver.  You have to have the correct wall scaling equipment and suction cups on your boots.  If you’ll notice in this photo, I am performing "The Chandelier".  Sudden movements could draw attention to you and result in
being discovered.  Note that it is a good idea not to wear your hat.
Pierre: “Dude!  Lemme try that move.  After all, I had to eat stuffy guts, dig halfway to China, AND led the capture of 20+ moles.  Why can’t I hang from the ceiling?”
Bentley: “The shoes don’t fit you.  Besides, it’s the coolest move and I’m the lead instructor.  Recruits, thanks so much for your undivided attention.  I have some handouts that you should look over before Bites gives you the oral and written exam.  You should also trim your nails before the digging portion of the field test.  Nothing looks worse than dirty nails on an officer.  The next class is with Hailey over at Hailey and Zaphod’s place.  You will be learning about the mountains of police paperwork and activity reports.  Afterwards, Ranger and Hailey will practice proper procedures at the jail, including the locking up of the prisoners.  Pierre, call ahead and let Hailey know the paddy wagon is bringing a gang of some marauding mole.  Stay safe out there, class dismissed.  

   We are happy to join our Blogville friends for this fun Blogville Police Academy Training Classes. Our special thanks to Ranger, Sarge, and Bites for all of their hard work on this fun event.  Enjoy visiting the other classes by hopping through the links below.




30 comments :

  1. Da trackin and da diggin I can get into. Da nail trimmin?? Not so much.

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  2. Nice job dudes. Have a wonderful Wednesday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  3. blogville is in very safe paws for sure - I don't think there will be any crime committed with all these pups on the job

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  4. Wow! Your tracking training looks very different from what my little sis Bailie is doing. She isn't in the academy, but she can track down anything in no time. Enjoy the training.

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    1. MOL! We were just comparing that to Bailie! HEEEEE!

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  5. great lessons! Pierre I bow my head, you are a digging star! and maybe you can help to finish my world tunnel, when we have a coffe&donut break?
    easy Rider

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  6. Ha! I LOVE that one of you on the ceiling Bentley! You remind me of a kitty!! hahaha!!!
    ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!

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  7. THIS was a most INVIGORATING and INFORMATIVE class. I (Judge Frankie) am quite pleased to see that the Recruits were better behaved and more... IN TUNE to the lecture and demonstrations TODAY... they were rather OUTTA CONTROL yesterday... what with the Crashing and Banging of the SegWays and such.
    THANK YOU fur putting this class on... in such a DIGnified Manner...

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  8. Wauw you can walk on the ceiling. You are the real double OSeven :)

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  9. Wow, this was a most excellent class today! OMD you got to do a real-live-in-the-furs moley grab! That's wonderful for the trainees to see first-paw. Super stuff in your class. That upside down thingy is a technique I'd like to try. Definitely not for the greenest of recruits. BOL Thanks for the great course today and the students learned a bunch. Wow, a live mole bash!
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, Police Commish

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  10. Many thanks Gator Dudes...even I learned some things about tracking....I didn't see any Donuts, oh so glad, had enough.....never seen some many donuts consumed by so few, them Junior Officers can put them away!

    Top Cop Bites

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  11. Hilarious!! A de-stuffing crime can happen so fast and without warning. Suddenly you look down and there are guts and body parts all over the place, but you're right, the perp is easily identified by the evidence of cottonmouth!

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  12. Oh I wants to play walkies on the ceiling!!!!
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

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  13. What a great and informative class. We have mole drills at our house all the time in the summer. But I don't think anyone can dig 87 in 87! That sure is fast.

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  14. Pawsome class,Can I go down the hole please?xx Speedy

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  15. You guys crack me up! I just love all the photos, they made me smile!

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  16. BENTLEY MOM FELL OUT OF THE CHAIR WHEN SHE WAS YOU WALKING ON THE CEILING WITH YOUR SUCTION CUP AND YOUR EARS FLOPPING!!
    BRAVO BRAVO
    HUGS MADI YOUR BFFF

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  17. Hari OM
    Braaawhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhh schnort!!!! Chandalier..... hat...... suckerboots...... bbrrahhwhwhwhwhw ... (breathe wummin...) Oh this was such an entertaining class... good work guys! Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

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  18. Dat was GRRRRRRRRREAT !!!!! Well done..... BOL!
    Thanks you for being such a pawsome instructor and I'll be right over to haul away all dos moley prisoners.
    Wags,
    Ranger

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  19. Great class, guys! I'm ready to start digging and removing squeakers right now. I'll be practising that when I get home!
    Who knew policing could be fun as well as socially important! (DUI)

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  20. Every buddy sure looks like they are taking their job very serious
    Lily & Edward

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  21. Great class & awesome pics, thanks! Bentley I don't know how you got up there..... Good job guys!
    Love & Biscuits,
    Cathy, Isis & Phoebe
    www.dogsluvusandweluvthem.blogspot.com

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  22. We'd like to try that fly on the wall maneuver.

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  23. OMD...I just loved chasing Moles the best!!! Great class guys!!!
    Smileys!
    Dory, Jakey, Arty & Bilbo

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  24. OMD moles! excellent training dudes! I stuck my nose in your class to see what was going on and I was amazed. Great training!

    Aroo to you,
    Sully

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  25. Wow, this was an excellent class. And Bentley on the ceiling is priceless! Well done guys!!!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

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  26. I'm not sure i should show Rita this post... She's already pretty good at catching rodents, and I'm not sure I want her adding "the chandelier" move to her hunting repertoire! :)

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  27. Love the photo of Bentley on the ceiling!

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  28. Umm... I thinks we gots a problemo wiff a coupla dese mole dudes Whitley and I apprehended... I confuserated da "don't let 'em squeak of da stuffy" wiff da "don't let 'em squeak" of da rodents.. and... well.......


    Ya can't really blame us... once Whitley went to gives a rat da ole shakey shakey and missed da mark a lil and dang if dat thang didn't scream up a racket!!

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  29. Am I too late for the class??! Okays, so I am already a full Officer, and don't really need to , butts I wanna try those SHOES!!! OMD, it's like Puddles' Chandelier swinging!! Oooooo, too fun!!
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

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