BFTB Channel 7 NETWoof News

"Although this appears to be the newest Whack-o-Squirrel game, it's not."

Bentley: “Welcome to BFTB News, I’m your news hound Bentley.  Here is our top story; a squirrel in Germany apparently got its head stuck in a manhole cover.  A Good Samaritan flagged down an officer to help rescue the trapped tree rat.  Although rescuing a squirrel should be a simple task, the officers discovered that was not the case.  After trying to pull the nut hoarder free, they lifted the drain cover.  It was obviously a case of karma kicking in, because that little dude wasn’t budging.  A woman brought a bottle of olive oil to assist at the scene.  The officers rubbed it around the squirrel’s neck and body.  After 15 minutes of pushing and pulling, the ungrateful rodent ran into a nearby garden and up a tree.  Does that surprise my co-anchor Pierre?  Psst…Pierre quit laughing…seriously; it’s your turn to report.”

Pierre: “Thanks Bent-snicker-snort-ley.  I always assume the worst of a squirrel’s manners.  Personally, I would have suggested pouring a thick country-style gravy on it.  Hee hee, ha-ha.  Sorry, my bad.  Ahem…As strange as it may seem, we have another rodent in the news this week.  We are sad to report the death of Chuck the Groundhog.  Chuck was last seen as he wiggled his way out of New York Mayor deBlasio’s arms on Groundhog Day.  He plummeted to the ground and died a week later of internal injuries.  It was originally reported that Chuck died of natural causes.  To be fair, if you are a groundhog and you fall from the arms of a 6’ 3” human, it is natural that it would cause your death.  Just sayin’.  Back to you Bentley.”

Bentley: “All I can say is I’d never plant my garden on the word of a ginormous rodent.  It just seems kinda hokey to me.  Here’s a story that you just don’t get to report every day.  Authorities report arresting a man at the U.S./Canadian border with 51 live turtles stuffed in his pants.  He had taped them to his body as he attempted to cross into Ontario.  The turtles were eastern box turtles, red-eared sliders, and diamondback terrapins that can fetch $800 each.  A second Canadian was arrested with more than 200 North American pond turtles in his checked luggage at the Detroit airport.  I’m stunned those turtles didn’t bust some ninja moves on those culprits.”

"Congratulations to Susie, American Humane Society's Hero Dog of 2014."

Pierre: “Even though I have had words with a turtle in our yard, I don’t condone taping them to your body for any reason.  Now, let’s give a high five to Susie, the American Humane Society’s Hero Dog of 2014.  She is a pit bull mix from High Point North Carolina.  She has overcome an incredibly horrible situation.  Someone who had also endured a bad experience rescued Susie and it changed both of their lives for the better.  She was selected from a field of eight other award winning hero dogs.  You can read more of their stories here or watch “Hero Dog Awards” on the Hallmark Channel October 30 at 8:00P.M. /7:00 P.M. Central time.  BFTB News salutes and thanks all of these terrific dogs.”

Bentley: “Way to be awesome dogs!  On the political front, we here at Channel 7 don’t like to repeat gossip, so I urge you to all read closely the first time.  A credible source informs us that Stanley has been seen with a blonde dog at a restaurant and a secluded part of the Blogville Park.  The question remains who exactly is this female and why is this relationship being kept secret?  For the sake of the mayoral race, I hope this isn’t anything to cast a bad light on the Doodle brothers.  Dory’s camp seems to be on edge from my observations.  She has been seen zooming around town dressed to the nines.  You can count on us to dig up any dirt surrounding these rendezvouses.”

Pierre: “This week New York Yankee baseball great Derek Jeter played his last game in a remarkable 20 year career.  He will be missed and we tip our hats to him.  I also saw that a cow with a number 7 on his head has gone viral, because he was named after Pittsburg Steeler Ben Roethlisberger.  What’s up with that Bentley?”

"My number 7 is my lucky charm."

Bentley: “I was wondering the same thing.  I have had a #7 on my hip for my whole life.  Why am I not viral?  We need to investigate to see who this cow’s publicity manager is because clearly, I wear it better.  On the bright side, I will never be a hamburger.  The week of October 1 thru 7^th has been declared Walk Your Dog Week with the Cascadian Nomads and My GBGV Life.  My sweetie Emma and her sisters are joining our Nomad friends to encourage humans to walk their dogs.  I will personally see to it that Mom and Dad take us for a stroll each day.  They have a lot of fun planned, so hop over to see my Emma for all the information.  Tell her that Bentley said “Hey.”

Pierre: “Let’s take a look at the weather for the next few days.  Hopefully, the shaking and quaking will stop after rattling Alaska and California in the past few days.  It appears that rain is likely all over the United States.  We may even see some wet stuff here in the bayou.  I know our Spider Lilies will be happy.  That’s it for me. Bentley?”

Bentley: “Thank you all for joining us in another episode of BFTB Channel 7 News.  Be sure to check back this week for stories and reviews that you’ll want to know.  Take care of each other and be sure to grab some happy each day.”

News Sources: http://www.pawnation.com/

http://www.americanhumane.org/

http://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

Squirrel photo courtesy of EPA/Landov

Susie’s photo courtesy of the American Humane Society

 We are joining our hosts My Brown Newfies, Alfie’s Blog, and Snoopy’s Dog Blog for Mischief Monday.  Have fun laughing along with these other mischievous blogs!