**Bark! Woof! We interrupt your normal blog to bring you a P.S.A. (Puppy Service Announcement).
Bentley: “Welcome to Barking from the Bayou NETWoof. I’m your News Hound Bentley Clinton and I’m here with my co-barker Pierre the Inwestiegator. This emergency Puppy Service Announcement is to prepare our fellow dogs, puppies, cat, and kitties for this upcoming weekend.”
Pierre: “That’s right, Bentley. Saturday marks the kick-off to College Football season. It ranks right up there with Christmas and Fourth of July as far as exciting days go here in the Bayou. If your humans are avid football fans, it doesn’t matter whether it is the NCAA or the NFL; y’all need to be prepared for sudden changes in their personalities.”
Bentley: “You are right there, my man. Now before we go any further, let’s give some paws up for the great welcome we received from the LSU Marching Band. *Clapping and waving paws On Saturday and for all Saturdays in the near future, our parents will set the alarm to wake up and begin their day with ESPN GameDay. I would like to offer my personal announcing services to Coach Corso, KirkHerbstreit, and my favorite, Erin Andrews for GameDay when they come to Death Valley. Anyway, after they have gotten the run-down on the day’s games, Mom and Dad will schedule our activities around the kick-off of LSU and the other teams they want to watch.”
Pierre: “This part of the day can be quite hectic with cooking, shopping, cleaning, and walking us. Football means food, that’s just a fact. Now, don’t go expecting your people to share all of their food with you. Some of that stuff is just not meant for us. Take those spicy chicken wings…please! Haha! Back to you Bent.”
Bentley: “Food is something that needs to be handled with timing and finesse. As my partner stated, do not just go helping yourself to whatever smells good. Dad likes to cook gumbo or dirty rice on the first cool “football weather” Saturday, but it is still in the upper 90’s here. The forecast is calling for grilled burgers. If y’all make yourselves known during the patting out the beef time, you may get a burger without any spices put on the grill just for you. A little insider’s tip here: look mournful and lick your lips a lot.”
Pierre: “A little whimper never hurts either. There will be tons of food and there is no reason that some is not prepared for you. After the food is going, be prepared for the game day dressing. Gramma and Papaw have a gazillion shirts, hats, and shoes in purple and gold. They will only wear the ones that are considered lucky. It is important that we never hide their lucky game wear. This causes an unnecessary pre-game meltdown. Let’s work together pets; we gotta keep ‘em calm.”
Bentley: “Once we have the food ready, the folks are dressed, and the house is cleaned, we get to go for our walk. Please know that since it is GameDay, you will be expected to wear your team apparel. There is no use in trying to get out of it. It is our duty to cajole them. If wearing a bandanna, leash, hat, and collar makes them happy, just go with it. You can draw the line on wearing tiger ears outside.”
Pierre: “Once you are home from the walk, if you have any ideas of napping, now is the time to do it. When the game starts, it is best to find a spot on the couch. Do not, I repeat, do not sit next to your people. Although it is tempting to cuddle, remember, football causes flying arms, random jumping, bursts of adrenaline rushes and fits of despair. It is also best for your safety to stay a good yelling distance away from the peeps.”
Bentley: “This is the sudden personality change that you were referring to earlier in the broadcast. For instance, my mom is usually a nice sweet southern lady until kickoff. Then, she becomes a screaming, hysterical lunatic. We do not allow her out in public during LSU games. Dad has taken her to some games and she can’t even talk when she gets home. Of course, she has lost her voice right here in the living room before. This is a good time to recall the importance of having the team flag flying outside your home. This way, if the neighbors hear your people screaming, the flag will alert the police to the game in progress. It’s my understanding a flag is the universal symbol of a football fanatic.”
Pierre: “There is one other rule that we as football dogs must adhere to without exception. Nobody goes outside to pee until halftime. Have we covered barking during the game? That is one of the big no-no’s.”
Bentley: “I’d like to point out the obvious here; I was born with a number seven on my hip. That is a touchdown and field goal. Football is in my fur and I’ll admit to loving the game. There is nothing more annoying than someone barking during the game. I have been known to growl at some of the calls the referees make, and I’ll let out a good Arrrooo for a touchdown, but just to bark? No, it is frowned upon by all fans.”
Pierre: “I’ve always been surprised that you haven’t been drafted by any of the big college teams. Not many players come with their own numbers. Hopefully, we can have you report from the sidelines during your stint on ESPN’s GameDay. Have you heard back from them?”
Bentley: “Not yet. Let’s recap the top points for this P.S.A. before I have to meet with agents.
#1. ESPN GameDay is a must-watch in order to know what is going on in college football.
#2. Death Valley is the loving name of the LSU Tigers Stadium.
#3. Expect your humans to consume mass amounts of food. Work your best angles to receive tidbits.
#4. You will be forced to dress in football paraphernalia. Just go with it.
#5. Make sure lucky clothes and trinkets are accessible to humans.
#6. Be sure the team flag is flying outside of your home. This signals neighbors and police that the screaming is in direct relation to the football game.
#7. Do not sit in the vicinity of your people’s flailing arms. Be prepared for sudden bursts of hysteria. *These may be extreme joy or extreme anger depending on your team.
#8. Never ask to go for a walk during game play. Immediately request a potty break at halftime.
#9. Never bark at inappropriate times.
#10. Always be there to dry your human’s tears in the event of a loss.
Pierre: “These handy tips should get you through football season. If you have any further questions or concerns, please submit them for a future broadcast.”
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Bentley: “We now return you to Thoughtless Thursday blog hop hosted by Ruckus the Eskie and Love is being owned by a Husky, already in progress. This is Bentley Clinton; on behalf of Pierre, BFTB NETWoof, and myself; y’all grab some happy today and LET’S GET READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!”