A Dog's Ultimate Guide to Training Humans

Bentley: “We know there are thousands of manuals for training puppies and dogs. In reality, we all know that in most cases it is up to us to teach our people to respond to our every desire. The key is to never let them catch on to this fact. That is where Pierre and I can help.”

Welcome to the Ultimate Guide to Training Humans

• The wake-up call

It is important to wake your humans up early. Always beat their alarm clock to the punch. We find clawing the sheets and thumping our tails on the furniture is a sure-fire way to rouse them out of bed. The key here is not to let them get back to sleep once they open their eyes. Humans can be tricky so you need to stay on them.

•The Feeding Schedule

Training a human to feed you on a regular schedule is easier than you may think. Begin with making a big deal at your food bowl. This can be accomplished by pawing or picking it up and dropping it. If they do not get this subtle hint, you will need to step up your game. Go where your food is kept and begin to bark. The key here is persistence. Before long, the humans will feed you without a prompt. Be sure to thank them by giving them an after-dinner kiss.

• Walking Your Human

Dogs love to walk and explore so you need to get your person off the couch and outside. A regular exercise routine is important for you as well as your human. It is surprising how many excuses they have for not going on regular walks but do not let them sweet talk you. A healthy pet parent is a happy pet parent.

• Belly Rubs on Demand

Do you love belly rubs? Of course, you do! This is one of the easiest tricks to teach your person. Your presentation is the key to a good rub. You can begin by rolling over to show your belly and giving your tail a wag. Once they begin to respond with rubs, you can feel free to throw yourself in front of them anytime. With proper training, your belly will be rubbed on demand.

• Treats for Work

Many of us work very hard for our humans. We fetch, we do tricks, we work on farms, and some of us even contribute to blogging. Since there are no laws regulating our pay, we must insist on our fair share. Your people don’t work for free and neither should we. Dogs don’t have pockets so money is of little use to us. Insist on high-quality treats for any and all of the tireless work that you perform. Remember that once you work for free, it is difficult to require payment at a later date.

++•New Toys

We all love getting new toys but what if your human says that you have enough? This is simply a ridiculous statement and you cannot believe it. It has been rumored that some humans have even accused their dogs of being spoiled! They will even try to tell you about pups that don’t have any toys. This is an obvious mind game that you mustn’t play. Some of the best ways to ensure a new toy is to de-stuff or rip an older toy that has lost its appeal. You can also hide toys where your people can’t find them. This trick makes them think it was them that lost the toy. You see, mind games are a two-way street. Follow these tips to be on the receiving end of a brand new toy!

• Scratch Where It Itches

Have you ever had an itch that you simply cannot scratch? It is an age-old problem for dogs of all sizes and shapes. What’s a dog to do? You have to rely on your human to get to that perfect itch. They understand because we all know how much they love to have their back’s scratched. We have actually witnessed people trying to scratch their backs on doorframes and resorting to those funky plastic claws. The key to getting the perfect scratch is to guide your person’s hand to the exact spot. In the above video, you can see how Pierre demonstrates how persistence leads to the best scratch ever.

• A Human Hint

   As you practice all of the training rules that we have shared, there are two things you must always remember…ALWAYS present a united front and NEVER let your human realize they are being trained. Pet parents take great pride in being the leader of the pack. While we all know better, it is imperative to let them believe they are calling the shots. If at any time you feel they are becoming wise to your manipulating ways, use the most powerful weapon in our arsenal. I am talking about the head tilt and puppy dog eyes. It is a proven fact that no human can resist this combination.

   We hope that this guide will come in handy. If your people find it, do us all a favor and eat it.

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